House-hunting and dating, Part 3: Head vs. Heart

On Saturday, I fell in love with a beautiful Victorian flat in Newburgh, New York that was renovated and decorated by a genius. Every little detail was perfect - lighting fixtures, ceiling medallions, hard wood floors, gorgeous cabinetry, etc. I could picture my things perfectly in it, and could imagine a thoroughly delightful life within the confines of my walls and the secret garden in the back yard. It was truly a romantic vision.

Unfortunately, Newburgh has a lot of unsafe, poor, ugly neighborhoods and while this house is on a nice block, it's surrounded by other not nice blocks. I drove around for an hour trying to convince myself that it wasn't so bad. There was no garage though, so I knew I'd have to park on the street, and it was near the high school. It was fairly close to the water front where new shops and restaurants were located and they seemed nice. It was close to the entrance to the freeway that leads to work. It's very close to one of the airports I fly in and out of to come home. I went back to the hotel sure I could find a way to make it work.

I tossed and turned all night and woke up at 4 a.m. unable to sleep. My heart was telling me the place was wonderful, beautiful, perfect for me, and that I belonged there and the other things didn't matter. My head, however, kept imagining the looks on my sisters' faces as I drove them around the neighborhood. I wasn't getting any good vibes from hotel staff or co-workers to whom I'd mentioned the neighborhood. My boss said, "I don't want you living in Newburgh." Kind of like a father would say....

The reality is, I have also found a perfectly serviceable condo in Rhinebeck, in a great neighborhood, walking distance (a safe walk) into town. It is ordinary, mundane, pedestrian (but it has an attached garage and a washer and dryer). It is definitely NOT sexy or gorgeous, but I know it would serve my needs. So I can keep thinking I'm putting lipstick on a pig, or I can find the beauty in a clean, simple, warm, spacious home (even if it has baby blue carpeting with big stains right in the middle of the floor). Good excuse to buy an area rug for the living room? Even if the guest room has pink walls, pink carpet, and pink window shades. Maybe it's raspberry - what color might tone that down?? Even if I now have to deal with the old folks in the Condo Association (there are 3 people in the complex who are over 100) who will let you plant annuals but not perennials without permission. Oh, no. Not again. I have to ask for permission to plant flowers?? Perhaps I'll just stick to pots and hanging baskets - save money that way?? Nice view off the deck - no other houses in sight, just trees, good light.

Maybe I could come to love it. Or not. After all, we're not getting married, I'm just renting. Oh, oh. Mixed metaphors, sorry. Maybe it's OK to date without getting married. Haven't tried that in a LONG time. Maybe they're not so different for me. Maybe I have lots to learn this year, about seeing what's real and not what I imagine. About letting things be and going with the flow. About accepting what is and not wanting what is not. This might actually be good practice before I start dating for real, since I put that one out to the Universe as well. Maybe this is the gift of practice I need, or not. Smile. It's all good.