Melancholy?

Definition: a feeling of thoughtful sadness. Yep, that's what it is and that's what I'm experiencing. It's interesting to me that the pieces and parts of my daily life can be so wonderful and yet there can be this underlying sadness that pops up when it's least expected. I know I'm missing family and friends - I first realized it when I attended a Women's Wellness retreat and was sitting in a circle of women. I had a pang of longing - to be back in my own circle. I was grateful to be in the circle I was in - wonderful women, wonderful facilitators, great process - but it still wasn't MY circle. Sigh...tears...I'll be fine.

I missed Helen's birthday and Kaitlin's graduation. Summer solstice came and went with no garden party at Chris's. No Open Days garden walks with Jacki and Joanne. Sigh...tears...I'll be fine.

Then one day last week while driving to work (down this lovely winding road with no lights, no traffic, and lots of pretty things to look at) I was pondering again where the sadness might be coming from, beyond missing my kith and kin. It occurred to me that I'm always a little sad this time of year, subconsciously remembering the death of my father in the month of July. No matter that it was nearly 47 years ago, it still haunts to this day. Then it hit me - I'm sad because my boss is getting ready to retire, and he's going to leave me too. Hope that doesn't sound too melodramatic, but I know these things about myself. Dave is my anchor here - he and his wife have invited me over to their home several times, introduced me to neighbors, check on me to make sure I'm OK, ask how I'm doing and if I need anything, etc., etc. When I went on my blind date last week, I let Dave know, and it was his phone number I had in my purse. Once he's gone (they're moving to Atlanta) I'll be truly on my own, again, alone again, naturally? Sigh.

The other part of it is this, I know Dave. We get along fine. I don't agree with everything he thinks, but he's a good listener and I can generally bring him around to my way of thinking. Gotta love THAT in a boss. I don't know who they're going to replace him with, and probably won't have much say, if any, in the matter. I know this about myself too - if I don't like my boss, I'm in deep shit trouble. So maybe there's a little fear in here too. Paradise lost? OK, maybe that was a little melodramatic....

Last Friday, a colleague and his wife invited me to dinner at their home and an all-Mozart concert at Bard College (up the road in Tivoli). Dinner was lovely on the patio and the concert was played on period instruments by Aston Magna - who marked their 38th season this year. When we got back to their home at the end of the evening, before they turned the porch light on, I thought I was in a fairy tale. The lightening bugs were flashing everywhere in the field next to their home. Absolutely magical. They invited me back in and we drank wine and talked classical music and food and art and the Hudson Valley for another hour. They've invited me to join them and some of their friends at Tanglewood in July. Tanglewood is a fabulous outdoor music venue in Massachusetts - just 90 minutes from here. I think this is the start of something really nice. But Jacki, it's just not the same as being with you. There's no replacing you darling.

Now for that blind date.... I haven't been on a date in 15 years. My how time flies whether you're having fun or not! I congratulate myself for getting out there, and accepting a last-minute invitation to a free concert on the lawn at Mills Mansion. My date even brought dinner, all fresh from his garden. He's a nice man, a widower whose wife died suddenly at 40 leaving him to raise 4 children. He's a 1974 graduate of the Culinary Institute and is now a retired gentleman farmer (he's my age). I don't think anything will come of this, but at least I broke the ice. Not getting any nibbles on Match.com though, so I'm not sure how I feel about this. Lots of "thanks but no thanks" to my outreach. Guess I'll just keep trolling...

Joanne - you'd be proud of me. I had to pinch back my basil bushes and had so much I decided to make pesto. You've been telling me how easy it is and frankly, I can't believe I've never done it before. But you kept giving it to me every year, so I guess I never needed to make my own! Anyhow, I did, and it's wonderful. I bought some lemon-asparagus ravioli at the market and put a few tablespoons of my pesto on it. Heavenly. Along side that were the roasted beets I made and the sauteed beet greens. Phyllis - I know you're smiling at that one!

See, I will be fine. Everything in its time.

Love to all,
Genz

Match.com

Well, I did it. It was raining cats and dogs two Sundays ago, so I knew I wasn't leaving the house. I had work to do - preparing to teach a new course, but I knew I wasn't going to spend all day on that. So, when one of those pop up ads appeared while I was doing email, enticing me with eligible bachelors...I jumped!

So now my profile is out there for all the world to see along with some photos. Every day I check to see who's viewed my profile. Or match.com sends me people who seem to match my profile and I can "wink" at them to let them know I'm interested. Then they can wink back at me or email me or even IM me! Of course I can do the same.

I must admit, there have been lots of profiles that caught my attention. A couple men who have reached out to me have mystified me though - I said I wanted to meet people in my "neighborhood" - people who can help me get acquainted with New York - and I get emails from England, Texas, and Washington State! Some even say they're willing to relocate. Isn't that odd? I just want to meet someone for coffee for heaven's sake! I do have to keep getting out the map because there are so many little towns and villages around that I don't recognize in New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut that are actually within a reasonable distance.

Writing my profile was interesting - deciding what to say, wanting to be open and honest without scaring anyone away. What's the thing I can say to reveal my true self without revealing everything. I'm such an open book but I think that's a good thing. When someone's profile only reveals a few things and they don't complete any of the entries it makes me wonder (a) why they're bothering and (b) what they're hiding. Or if they're "shy" or don't know what to say, it makes me wonder what they'd have to say in person. I certainly don't want to carry the conversation. I know this is supposed to be an entry way, not the whole deal, so it is interesting to see what catches my eye and what I seem to want to reject. I want to have fun with it and so I'll just hold it lightly as another way to meet people in my new home town, or nearby anyhow.

I did volunteer this past Sunday at the Rhinebeck Farmers Market. It's a great market and I'm delighted to help out in any way I can. Two of the faculty members from CIA have stands - one runs a farm with his wife, and the other makes homemade pasta. There are 30 vendors total. One of the vendors makes the absolute best fallafel I have ever tasted. It's the first thing I get when I go to market - served in fresh pita from the city and tucked in with some yummy pickled vegetables and sauces. I've never had anything like it. It's fun to have a ritual too - get my fallafel and wander past all the vendors deciding what I might like to buy. Then when I'm finished eating I go back and pick up the things that caught my eye. This week I got chiaggi beets to try (can you even believe that?!), some sugar snap peas, some broccoli, and something called "scapes." They're the sprout from garlic that you actually cut off before they flower. This lets the energy go to the bulb in the ground, and you can use these "tops" with a mild garlic taste in salads or scrambled eggs or in risotto, etc. Fun to experiment.

Guess that's all for now.... Oh, that new class I'm teaching? Today was session #1 of 8 sessions and it went very well. Lots of good feedback from participants - they were really engaged and really could see the application for their work. It warms my heart to think that a training class I've brought to the organization might actually be the thing that transforms the way work shows up for some people - that they might actually see the possibility of life at work being different, better, more effective, etc. Man, this is great stuff!

Ciao, oh one more thing.... HAPPY 40TH BIRTHDAY TO HELEN BALMFORTH!! My nephew Mike's wife celebrated her birthday this past weekend. She's just the best and I hated like hell to miss that party. Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS TO KAITLIN ZIMMERMAN (nephew Dan and Amy's daughter) ON THE OCCASION OF HER HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION!! This is the hard part about not being in Michigan - missing being with family when important milestones are reached. I hope you know, Helen and Kate, how much I love you and how BIG my wishes are for your health and happiness.

Ciao for real.

Love,
V

Thank goodness for Mastercard

60,000 Mile Check up for car at Rhinebeck Ford = $450
New brakes also at Rhinebeck Ford = $450
First visit with new dentist in Poughkeepsie = $300
New contacts and glasses at North Duchess Optical in Red Hook = $600
Cut & color with tip at new stylist in Poughkeepsie = $95

Finding all these services in close proximity to my new home with people I like and feel I can trust?

Priceless!